IS THAT FINAL JOURNEY……
In actual fact it pretty much sucks.
Last week we faced what is the worst day in a dog owners life that final journey. and man it’s painful. but let me rewind back to the week before.
I had been preparing myself for this for quite some time and when you get to that point in a dogs life each vet visit is met with an impending sense of doom.
Things had progressed on since our last visit and I walked in and told the vet my concerns. I was quite shocked when he suggested a stronger form of painkiller. and reminded me that I kind of jumped the gun a bit earlier in the year.
Don’t get me wrong I loved my boy to the moon and back, but I also know that I can’t be selfish and have to do the right thing and in my pets best interests.
We spent a week with a wobbly dog who was clearly miserable and after speaking to the vets on and off during that week I called and asked for my vet to call me I wanted to cut these drugs out.
That day we had a lovely day and I’m thankful for it. I spent the day watching TV curled up with all three dogs and benji lay at my feet as he had done for years. around 5pm he attempted to stand up, he cried out which he never did he never showed pain. the rest Is far too painful to write but that visit ended in us letting him go. there was nothing else we could do it was the only option.
I won’t go through the whole process I don’t want to upset anyone. I wanted to share our last moments. I left the room to get the vet and he tried to get off the table to follow me old faithful 😘.
I was determined to share one last experience with him and I knew that he loved reiki. so I opened up and gave him the reiki he loved so much. he was at peace and then he was gone. in love and light as it should be.
Both the girls had known. for ages they had taken turns to comfort him and lie with him. I think I knew as well. the evening of his passing our 9 month old puppy had tried to snap him out of the funny turn he was having by nipping him and barking in his face. our German Shepard assumed guard mode by the door.
I tried to tell myself I was okay, but I wasnt really. I tried to be strong for the girls. P who were just as heart broken as we were.
One of the things we loved about benji was what we called his victory roll. it never failed to make me smile. and when we got back from holiday In august he was on his back victory rolling with delight. not long after we lost him we were sat in the kitchen and river did a benji victory roll exactly as he used to do.
Now you could argue that she learnt that from him and I have no doubt she did but it certainly means that his memory will live on. just as he assumed certain traits attributed to kai his previous friend sleeping in my washing pile was one of them.
I think each time you loose a dog you learn something. benji was the only dog in the house for quite some time before the girls came along. I will never do that again, he developed such a bond with kyla and I know that rivers puppy antics gave him great pleasure and he watched her with a twinkle in his eye. I wish he could have had that earlier.
I totally understand that people say oh I could never have another dog it hurts too much and it does. but believe me your dog doesn’t feel that way. I have heard of dogs hanging on waiting and I knew that benji was waiting for the girls to take over. kyla was a headstrong silly girl until river arrived then she became a leader.
Ive been blessed with three dogs as an adult four if you count river and they have all been amazing loyal companions. I could never imagine not having a dog in my life. But that loyalty comes at a price and it’s so so high.
I threw myself into my rescue work. He inspired me to do it every single day. his story is in a previous post and I treasure it because it shows just how much he gave me back. rescue is good for the soul.
If your reading this post then your obviously a dog person like me. I usually have a meaning to every post I write and I think this time I will let you take from it what you will. I can remember having a conversation with my son about rainbow bridge in which he described it in vivid detail for his age. I was captivated and comforted.
I know this post is kind of sad but it’s also a celebration of a second chance well lived and a testement to an amazing friend.