I appear missing is the title of one of my favourite Queens of the stone age songs and just recently it seems to sum up my life “shock me awake” please don’t sue my josh for using your lyrics 😂😂 but this is literally what happened to me.
I will explain. I’ve gotten into a bit of a rut recently, I’ve been coming home from work and either going back to bed, or sitting for the day curled up with my dogs ignoring the world. I’m present in my life physically, but not emotionally. I’ve checked out. “A spitting image of me, except for a heart shaped hole where the hope runs out” a tad over dramatic but it does emphasise my point.
I came to the realisation that I needed to get back into the world I’d wanted to escape for a while. If your an empath and your reading this perhaps you can relate. I needed to just be by myself, lock off from the emotions and energy around me. I liked it and I stayed there. I got to the point where I only dealt with my family, and people at work. But the problem with that is that I became more and more miserable, and as daft as it sounds I just stayed in that hole “watching the hope run out”. Not good ☹
So then I began mind set coaching, and I began to focus on myself. I joined a group of divas and began to feel less like a robot.
I realised that I had lost my path and when my familiar disappeared and was tempted away by tuna that I needed to make a change. I suspected that the goddess was telling me that I had lost my way 😟.
I set up a ritual, said my invocation three times. I knew she would listen she knows I don’t invoke lighty. I wrote a letter asking for her help, and set to Scrying for my wayward cat. Three days later I was walking the neighbourhood and stumbled upon a neighbour who had been feeding her. I took my girl home and grounded her skinny butt.
I had realised while she was away that her wildness complemented my calmness. Something that only came into being the further onto my reiki journey I went. I have changed so much since my attunements that’s a subject for another blog post.
I decided to once again try and find some people who follow my goddess the Morrigan and low and behold I found two. One is dedicated to 31 days of activity, to better understand our Lady and also to show her some love 😍 I’ve never formally dealt with my lady it’s more like banter and it means a lot to me. One deep and meaningful meditation later, a chance to thank my lady for the safe return of the tabby squiff bag and I feel like I can take on the world. She stayed with me!!!!
So the next thing was to tackle this issue of not going out, I wasn’t agoraphobic I just didn’t want to do it. As the weather has been totally tropical I decided to measure how much I got out by how tanned I get. Slightly vain at face value. But if I don’t go out I don’t get tanned. I decided I was going to journal also and brought a fabulous new journal. My first words so to journal.
I’ve always felt the need to write, to process my experiences, and In the last few days I’ve written some poetry which I havent done for so long. I’ve been out with my dogs in the woods, I’ve started casework again, I’ve been out on homechecks, I’ve even made new friends.
Next step is to get my business up and running again and get this NVQ done and dusted. Start working with my crystals again. I recently started carrying a pretty blue tigers eye I brought for my Scrying ritual, I’ve dedicated it to my goddess. It feels good to be carrying them again, I’m the girl that went to a job interview with every crystal she owned and then fell cut my knees really badly and still got the job 😆.
If your reading this and you feel the way I have and your doing the things I was doing. It isn’t to late to get out of that funk. Put that loud dancy music on, go out for a walk and admire the beauty around you. I am promising myself that I wont deny the spiritual side of myself again, this is non negotiable.
I am promising myself that I won’t overdo the me time and become a hermit again, and I am promising myself that I will do what feeds and nourishes my soul.
What will you promise yourself today?
(Learning to walk again 😆😆)