I Appear Missing, Now!

Hello readers 🤗 it’s been a while since I wrote a post and you may be wondering what the title of this one is all about 🤔. 

I appear missing is the title of one of my favourite Queens of the stone age songs and just recently it seems to sum up my life “shock me awake” please don’t sue my josh for using your lyrics 😂😂 but this is literally what happened to me. 

I will explain.  I’ve gotten into a bit of a rut recently, I’ve been coming home from work and either going back to bed, or sitting for the day curled up with my dogs ignoring the world. I’m present in my life physically, but not emotionally.  I’ve checked out.  “A spitting image of me, except for a heart shaped hole where the hope runs out” a tad over dramatic but it does emphasise my point.

I came to the realisation that I needed to get back into the world I’d wanted to escape for a while.  If your an empath and your reading this perhaps you can relate. I needed to just be by myself, lock off from the emotions and energy around me.  I liked it and I stayed there.  I got to the point where I only dealt with my family, and people at work.  But the problem with that is that I became more and more miserable, and as daft as it sounds I just stayed in that hole “watching the hope run out”.  Not good ☹

So then I began mind set coaching, and I began to focus on myself. I joined a group of divas and began to feel less like a robot. 

I realised that I had lost my path and when my familiar disappeared and was tempted away by tuna that I needed to make a change.  I suspected that the goddess was telling me that I had lost my way 😟.

I set up a ritual, said my invocation three times.  I knew she would listen she knows I don’t invoke lighty.  I wrote a letter asking for her help, and set to Scrying for my wayward cat.  Three days later I was walking the neighbourhood and stumbled upon a neighbour who had been feeding her.  I took my girl home and grounded her skinny butt.

I had realised while she was away that her wildness complemented my calmness.  Something that only came into being the further onto my reiki journey I went.  I have changed so much since my attunements that’s a subject for another blog post.

I decided to once again try and find some people who follow my goddess the Morrigan and low and behold I found two. One is dedicated to 31 days of activity, to better understand our Lady and also to show her some love 😍 I’ve never formally dealt with my lady it’s more like banter and it means a lot to me. One deep and meaningful meditation later, a chance to thank my lady for the safe return of the tabby squiff bag and I feel like I can take on the world.  She stayed with me!!!!

So the next thing was to tackle this issue of not going out, I wasn’t agoraphobic I just didn’t want to do it. As the weather has been totally tropical I decided to measure how much I got out by how tanned I get. Slightly vain at face value.  But if I don’t go out I don’t get tanned.  I decided I was going to journal also and brought a fabulous new journal.  My first words so to journal.  

I’ve always felt the need to write, to process my experiences, and In the last few days I’ve written some poetry which I havent done for so long. I’ve been out with my dogs in the woods, I’ve started casework again, I’ve been out on homechecks, I’ve even made new friends. 

Next step is to get my business up and running again and get this NVQ done and dusted. Start working with my crystals again.  I recently started carrying a pretty blue tigers eye I brought for my Scrying ritual, I’ve dedicated it to my goddess. It feels good to be carrying them again, I’m the girl that went to a job interview with every crystal she owned and then fell cut my knees really badly and still got the job 😆.

If your reading this and you feel the way I have and your doing the things I was doing.  It isn’t to late to get out of that funk.  Put that loud dancy music on, go out for a walk and admire the beauty around you.  I am promising myself that I wont deny the spiritual side of myself again, this is non negotiable. 

 I am promising myself that I won’t overdo the me time and become a hermit again, and I am promising myself that I will do what feeds and nourishes my soul.  

What will you promise yourself today? 
Ciao Fidge

(Learning to walk again 😆😆)


To walk the healing path with Reiki 🙆

It’s been a year and a day since I started on what I have come to see as a path that just totally suits me.  Its a path that has given me great peace and a deep love for the energies that I work with.  I can also say that it has taken me on a journey of self discovery.

I can’t remember how I discovered reiki, but I do know that I fell in love with it long before I ever recieved it.  I can remember booking my first session during a real low point in my life and following a breakdown.  I was told that i was in crisis both spiritually and emotionally.  So the session proceeded and I quickly discovered that it made me feel the same way as meditation.  I was hooked and after that a once a month reiki session was a must for some “Me” time.  On a personal level it produced the same effect as having your hair washed at the hair dressers and I craved it.

I used to walk around and tell people that I was going to be a reiki master, I think during those days I had glorified what a reiki master actually was.  I thought that being a Master was about being a celebrity of sorts despite the lack of ego these guys have.  I have since come to understand that Reiki Masters have come through the journey that I am now on and that it’s actually an amazing and beautiful thing to give an attunement and it creates a bond between master and student.  But also to share reiki with people in general is amazing too, more about that later.

I had pretty much sorted the level I wanted to get to, the person I was going to receive my attunement from and then things changed.  One night I was at a drumming circle and I met a lady who would come to play such an important part in my life, her name was Sally and we clicked straight away.  A few months later I did my reiki 1.

Well that was it I wanted to run out and heal anyone and anything that moved.  I gave my dog reiki, and had some beautiful sessions with family and friends.


It took me a while to figure out that Reiki one as much as it is about helping those you love and care about, an important part of that is self development.  Every time I saw Sally after my first attunement I would mention doing my level 2, like any good teacher Sally was encouraging but I know now that both she and the universe knew I wasn’t ready, I hadn’t learnt what I needed to learn.

It took me a while to settle into the fact that after so long talking and dreaming about working with reiki energies I was finally able to do so.  I didn’t have a lot of confidence in myself and after giving reiki to family and friends would often sit there and say wow I can’t believe that worked. I can remember the first session I did and how nervous I was.  But I can also remember the first time I gave reiki to a tree and to my dog, the colours I see when giving reiki energy to non humans is captivating.

Before I knew where I was I had begun to change in myself,and people started to comment on it. I was a more positive person, I seemed much happier.  I was 😆 I had made a consious decision to work on self development and the results were pleasing.

So I booked my reiki 2, I recieved that attunement the same day a year one from my first attunement. 

I had been told that the first degree was turning on the tap and that the second degree was increasing the flow.  Wow! Its a day I dont think I will forget for the rest of my life. I felt so switched on, I was confident in the energy and I will never forget facing one of my biggest phobias crowds!!!! 

When I allowed myself to open up I found certain things difficult crowds of people I couldn’t deal with and being around people drained me and I found that I absorbed other people’s energies.  It’s called empathy and at times it can be tough to live with.

So as you can imagine to be able to sit around a crowd of people and shut myself off was an amazing feeling.  I feel that Reiki has helped me be more grounded and being an empath is so much easier now.  

If your still reading after all of that thank you 😍 reiki is a truly beautiful and spiritual pracrise and the best thing is anyone yes anyone can work with the energies.  That’s the best part.


(Love and light)


Tapping into the law of attraction through spiritual paths.

When I started this blog I had no idea how important it would become to me, neither did I realise that I might actually have something relevant to say. Or maybe I just waffle.

Im 34 years of age and in the past I have looked deep inside and not really connected with my inner Fidge.  I had spent many years around negativity.  Negative people, negative comments directed towards me, negative inner monologue. NEGATIVE, NEGATIVE, NEGATIVE!!!!!!

Is it really any wonder that I became the sort of person who would seek positive attention? affirmations from anyone and everyone I met?

I really just couldnt deal with myself!!!!!

Then I started a journey, one that would be painful, tough at times heartbreaking, but in the long run would lead to a place that I could feel comfortable in and just be me.

I had always felt different from everyone else, some days I wondered why other people didnt feel the way I did or care about the things I cared about.  I then embraced the pagan that I had always known I was.

I began to let go of people who didnt belong in my life, I began to cut cords and change as a person.  For the first time in my life I was changing for me not to suit anyone else.


A huge turning point for me was taking my first reiki certificate,  I could sit here and try and describe that day, but it was massive in my life.  That was almost a year ago. 

Round about the same time I started my Forever business, I was NOT in the right frame of mind and as you would expect it went no where fast.  At the time I was introduced to the secret, but in good old Fidge style I had to do it my own way and refused to allow it in.

Eventually I came back to my business and allowed myself to he open to the secret, I watched the movie. 

I was shocked and suprised to find that I was not new to the philosophy.  And I began to think that pagan/spiritual people were all in the know about this. What you send out you get back! The idea of working with energy to get what you want, sounds like spell work to me!

Things began to click into place and I realised that I had been onto the secret all along I just didnt know. I started to take control of my life and stepped out of my comfort zone time and time again and the results were amazing. I had taken a huge leap on my path and I was over the moon.

Then I began to wonder in chicken or egg fashion was the secret created from pagan philosophy or was pagan philosophy created due to knowledge of the secret? Im still wondering to this day.

I also began to connect this with Maslows Hierarchy of needs with self actualisation being the very tip of the triange.  Perhaps he was in on the secret too.


In any case if your reading this I choose to share the secret with you!!! What you choose to do with it is up to you

Ciao Fidge
(Philosophical and deep)

Bubbly Dalmation Jasper.


Recently I started a crystal healing course and part of our daily tasks is to choose a crystal for the day.  One particular day I chose a piece of Dalmatian Jasper.

When it comes to buying and choosing crystals I have the kind of attitude buy/choose now and ask questions later.  Its a method that seems to work for me. And i never fail to be suprised at how spot on this method seems to be.

When I started to attune to the crystal I was suprised to find an almost puppy like personality.  The first time I’ve ever got a sense of this.  It was quite happy to have been chosen. Its also worth noting I had recieved the crystal as a birthday gift.


So now on to what Cassandra Eason says in the crystal bible.

Dalmation Jasper can reawaken a sense of fun and humour from within.  Hence the bubbly personality of the crystal.

It is also remarkably successful for calming, training and healing pets.  Also if working with dogs is your profession then this is a great crystal to work with.

Dalmation Jasper can increase telepathic communication with all animals but particularly dogs and is for those who work with canine like power animals such as wolves.  Well my spirit guide is a wolf.  At this point im beginning to think that I may have underestimated this crystal.


I have this thing with dogs, Ive had dogs come lean on me randomly out of the blue, and I havent met many dogs that I didnt get on with, but have always wondered what they wanted from me.

Other uses for dalmation jasper include helping protect from nightmares particularly monster type ones and also helping adults and children deal with an irrational fear of dogs.

There are other benefits from this crystal but I would be here all day.  Needless to say Im going to be paying more attention to the crystals I buy in the future.

Ciao Fidge
( Stunned and blown away)

To meditate or not to meditate


Ask yourself this question “Do i ever stop” are you always rushing around here, there and everywhere and are YOU the least important person on your list?

The world seems to have become a busier place, cities never sleep, days are getting longer and jobs are getting more stressful.  “Me” time seems to have become a thing of the past.

I used to work with a lady who seemed to cope with the demands of the job far better than i did.  So one day i asked her what her secret was her answer was simply “i meditate”.  I’d tried to get into meditation but had struggled with visualisation and didnt think i was a person who could sit still that long.

I joined a local spiritual development group and was introduced to guided meditation, i couldnt believe how relaxed i felt afterwards and just connected  and switched on to everything.  It was a feeling i began to crave….


Just to simply be..

During a crisis point in my life i visited a reiki practitioner, i was suprised to find that reiki and meditation had the same effect with me, they were both addictive and both put you in a deep state of relaxation.

So i began scouring youtube for guided meditations, at the time i was suffering from insomnia.

Initially what i found were scary music and even scarier disembodied voices.  I began to wonder if i would ever find one that could help me sleep.

Enter “The Honest Guys” and their insomnia talkdown.  Beautiful music, beautiful visualisations and voices that could soothe “a savage beast” i slept that night and broke the insomnia cycle.


I began to explore their meditations crystal and tropical beaches, cosy cottages in the snow, and then a meditation that i use a lot now the “blissful deep relaxation.

Just recently i discovered “run with wolves” a beautiful moonlight meditation with stunning visualisation.  After doing the meditation i realised that i was supposed to run on two legs not four however either way its an exhilirating experience.

It is my belief that meditation should be more prominent in peoples lives.  That children should be encouraged to meditate, where would their minds go? Its an intriging thought.

If someone goes to the doctors with insomnia instead of prescribing el zonko sleeping  tablets, the doctor says try this meditation first.

Meditation is a great tool to have, i would and do recommend it to everyone.

(Off me soapbox and in meditation Fidge)

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