An outsiders view of a mothers love for her children. 👪

When you have children the world can be a scary place.  You are given this tiny bundle to love and protect and there seems to be a bogeyman lurking around every corner and harm is at every turn.

Every time someone smiles at you and your child you scowl at them and wonder why? 

This hasn’t always been the case however I think partly thanks to the media and high profile cases in which unspeakable things happen to children have sent us hyper alert.

When you suffer the loss of a child or a pregnancy the world can become a very lonely place, everyone seems to be having babies and thanks to social media everyone seems to posting pictures of their children.  

I have been in both of the positions mentioned above.  I have a healthy thriving almost sixteen year old but I have also lost two children as well.  One to miscarrage and one to ectopic pregnancy.  

I will admit that I used to suffer from insane jealousy when looking at social media and seeing pregnant ladies, newborn children and happy kids.

After starting my network marketing business I began to make new friends and invariably many of them are mums with young children.

Two ladies in particular and if they read this they will know I am talking about them.  One friend has a beautiful little girl so cheeky and funny and when we video chatted her daughter would be around as any busy mum knows wanting to be in on the action.  If my friend puts pictures up I get a tag and pictures in my inbox.

As my friend and I became closer I would chat to her little girl and say hi and wave. And then we move into the realms of give the “Monkey” a hug or a kiss from me.  One day I signed off with those words and recieved the most beautiful photo in response.  I was blown away by the love between mother and daughter and how I had been allowed to see such a special moment.  

I had a conversation with my friend and I told her that being included in her daughters life was very special to me and that It helped heal my heart very early on in our friendship and how privaliged I felt to be allowed to watch her daughter grow.

My other friend called me and as most children do her daughter wanted to say hi, so I spent about five mins just say hi to her.  Then a few minutes later I got a video of her little girl.  Again I smiled and felt privaliged.

I got to wondering about my own experiences as a mum, how many times had I held my son close as a young child just because they had smiled at him.  And was reminded of my first time out shopping with my newborn son and a little Irish woman came over peered in my pram and started exclaiming how beautiful my son was as I tried to spread myself over the pram (not a mean feat with a silvercross).

Perhaps that lady had found herself in the situation that I am now.  Perhaps she also finds joy in other people’s children.

I guess my point here is that there are some people out there who find joy in other people’s children, not because they are bad people but because their own losses have shown them the beauty of children and how a child can somehow brighten up your day.  I have a little girl I know on the bus.  I usually meet her on vet trips and she likes animals too.  She chats to me and fusses whichever pet I have with me that day.

One particular day she went back to her mum and drew a cat on the window which I photographed and shared with my facebook friends.

Don’t get me wrong I love my own child with all my heart and I have so many beautiful memories.  But the circle of life keeps on going and I miss having a little one around. But also seeing the bond between mothers and their children from the outside looking in has given me a view I didnt see from the other side of this coin.

Getting back to the point of this blog post, I’ve been so lucky that so many ladies in my life have been generous enough to share the precious moments they have with their children with me. I am lucky to have those precious memories myself.  But there are women out there who don’t have that and the highlight of their day might be meeting you and your child on the bus.  I wonder how many people had a snapshot of the relationship I have with my son and felt the same way.

Ciao Fidge

(A favourite with children and animals)


To walk the healing path with Reiki 🙆

It’s been a year and a day since I started on what I have come to see as a path that just totally suits me.  Its a path that has given me great peace and a deep love for the energies that I work with.  I can also say that it has taken me on a journey of self discovery.

I can’t remember how I discovered reiki, but I do know that I fell in love with it long before I ever recieved it.  I can remember booking my first session during a real low point in my life and following a breakdown.  I was told that i was in crisis both spiritually and emotionally.  So the session proceeded and I quickly discovered that it made me feel the same way as meditation.  I was hooked and after that a once a month reiki session was a must for some “Me” time.  On a personal level it produced the same effect as having your hair washed at the hair dressers and I craved it.

I used to walk around and tell people that I was going to be a reiki master, I think during those days I had glorified what a reiki master actually was.  I thought that being a Master was about being a celebrity of sorts despite the lack of ego these guys have.  I have since come to understand that Reiki Masters have come through the journey that I am now on and that it’s actually an amazing and beautiful thing to give an attunement and it creates a bond between master and student.  But also to share reiki with people in general is amazing too, more about that later.

I had pretty much sorted the level I wanted to get to, the person I was going to receive my attunement from and then things changed.  One night I was at a drumming circle and I met a lady who would come to play such an important part in my life, her name was Sally and we clicked straight away.  A few months later I did my reiki 1.

Well that was it I wanted to run out and heal anyone and anything that moved.  I gave my dog reiki, and had some beautiful sessions with family and friends.


It took me a while to figure out that Reiki one as much as it is about helping those you love and care about, an important part of that is self development.  Every time I saw Sally after my first attunement I would mention doing my level 2, like any good teacher Sally was encouraging but I know now that both she and the universe knew I wasn’t ready, I hadn’t learnt what I needed to learn.

It took me a while to settle into the fact that after so long talking and dreaming about working with reiki energies I was finally able to do so.  I didn’t have a lot of confidence in myself and after giving reiki to family and friends would often sit there and say wow I can’t believe that worked. I can remember the first session I did and how nervous I was.  But I can also remember the first time I gave reiki to a tree and to my dog, the colours I see when giving reiki energy to non humans is captivating.

Before I knew where I was I had begun to change in myself,and people started to comment on it. I was a more positive person, I seemed much happier.  I was 😆 I had made a consious decision to work on self development and the results were pleasing.

So I booked my reiki 2, I recieved that attunement the same day a year one from my first attunement. 

I had been told that the first degree was turning on the tap and that the second degree was increasing the flow.  Wow! Its a day I dont think I will forget for the rest of my life. I felt so switched on, I was confident in the energy and I will never forget facing one of my biggest phobias crowds!!!! 

When I allowed myself to open up I found certain things difficult crowds of people I couldn’t deal with and being around people drained me and I found that I absorbed other people’s energies.  It’s called empathy and at times it can be tough to live with.

So as you can imagine to be able to sit around a crowd of people and shut myself off was an amazing feeling.  I feel that Reiki has helped me be more grounded and being an empath is so much easier now.  

If your still reading after all of that thank you 😍 reiki is a truly beautiful and spiritual pracrise and the best thing is anyone yes anyone can work with the energies.  That’s the best part.


(Love and light)


Working mom’s – it’s okay to drop the ball sometimes

I can’t remember the last time I had a spotlessly clean house or could actually eat my dinner off the floor.  When all my laundry was done and ironed and put away.  

I think working mums feel increasingly under pressure to be superwoman, to go out to work, take care of the kids, look after the men in their lives and a whole host of other jobs and chores.

If your reading this and your thinking what’s she on about? I manage okay then I take my hat my hat off to you because your a better woman than I am.

I work and run a business from home as well.  My day job can be long hours and my business can be time consuming as well.  And somewhere in the midle of all of this is my inner child screaming I just want to ignore the mess and sit on my derrierre for a while and do nothing!!!!!

So back to the title of this post.  I had a clarity call with an amazing lady called allison.  It was to do with your self care routine.  She actually asked me well what do you do for yourself? 

SILENCE (tumbleweed moment)

I don’t actually take time out for myself unless I’m forced to…..

So I made a promise to my inner child that I would try and balance the different roles that I play in my life.  My goal now is to start planning my time and doing little small things for myself.  In the self care group I’m part of we were talking about skin care routines and I decided that I needed that in my life, let’s face it I’m hurtling towards forty quicker than an intercity 125, and also to purchase make up (good job my own company has great products in both). 

So ladies when your dispairing that your domestic goddess has gotten lost under mountains of laundry and your inner child is screaming out for some attention, take a step back.  Step over the laundry pile kick back for a while and take some time out. 

Next step is to plan your time so that you feel like your achieving what you want to achieve.  Make sure you schedule in regular inner child time. And all those jobs you just have to get done before you can crack on and be productive.  And if the juggling balls do start to fall step back and make sure your getting enough me time.  
Ciao Fidge 

Confessions of a trash panda!


I thought that my rescue dog Benji deserved his own blog post,  because to be totally honest I admire the old sausage.  He has pretty much rode his second chance at a forever home like he stole it!

Benjis story we believe started in Ireland.  He was a stray, and his vaccination card came from a vets in County Down.  He was sent to England and ended up at Dogs Trust Kenilworth.

I discovered him online and fell in love.  I went to visit but due to DT rules as we were going on holiday that weekend were unable to reserve him.  I spent that whole weekend praying that he wouldnt be reserved. I need not have worried he was a black dog and had been reserved once.

I contented myself with sitting by his kennel.  He was so sad and depressed it was heartbreaking.  Once we were home from our holiday I reserved him and we were finally able to meet him.  I wanted him so much.  I introduced him to my other dog and things seemed okay.  Benji showed us a cute little trick he had of sticking his paws in a bowl of water to cool down.



While we had been away Benjis rap sheet had been growing he was stressed in kennels and not coping with life in general.  We saw the behaviourist things were that bad. My boy had dominence issues he humped people and had a variety of issues. We were also told he didnt like toys.2


Once he was adopted our first outing was to stratford and was memorable due to finding out that he loved water and chasing swans. There were also trips to the seaside with him barking in my ear the whole trip.



Benji had his issues and plenty of phonecalls went back and forth to dogs trust behaviour team, issues arose around rabbit seeking behaviour, weeing up the fireplace, raiding bins and humping.  He also developed a taste for dirty underwear.

For the most part he got on really well with kai my other dog, there were some fights but I was amazed to come home and find them both standing on my bed barking out the window.  Even more amazing was the fact that kai was going deaf and blind.  From that day forward Benji became my hero.


I Struggled to bond with him despite my hero worship and it remained that way for a very long time, I loved him dont get me wrong but I wasnt as close as I was to kai.

After six months kai went to Rainbow bridge, it was a devastating time and poor Benji pined terribly.  At this time he developed terrible separation anxiety.  I despaired  but refused to give up.

To cut a long story short my boy settled down to become the fantastic dog I had known all along he would be.  As he got older he was diagnosed with arthritis and later began to nod.  The vet told us that he was having seizures and that she didnt know what his life expectancy would be (over twelve months now).



As he aged Benji and I came to a better understanding.  He became affectionate towards me but always on his terms.  Always a very “Aloof” dog it was heart warming to have gained his trust.

I never have managed to stop him raiding the bins, I guess if I had gone hungry and he was very skinny when I got him I might be the same.

Recently my old soldier celebrated his 15th Birthday, I ordered a special birthday cake and party pack which included a hat.  I never expected him to actually wear it.  I trained him with treats and he greeted me that morning wearing his hat.  Also my birthday too, although his paperwork says March 6th.


Hes had some health issues lately, his back legs havent been working properly.  After some new meds hes back to his old self.  He just seems to go on forever and ever.  He always greets me at the door when I come home.  Hes such a laid back chilled out dude.  I really admire him.  Some days you can just tell that everythings an effort yet he still has a grin and a wag of his tail for you.


I guess the point of my story is why dont we adopt black dogs? Why do we adopt a rescue dog and then give up on them when it gets too hard.  Think long and hard before you get a rescue or any dog. 


All the dogs ive had in my life have been rescues.  They give so much back.  Ive had nearly seven years with Benji.  Please adopt older dogs.


Older dogs rule.

Ciao Fidge
( Old dog fan)

Tapping into the law of attraction through spiritual paths.

When I started this blog I had no idea how important it would become to me, neither did I realise that I might actually have something relevant to say. Or maybe I just waffle.

Im 34 years of age and in the past I have looked deep inside and not really connected with my inner Fidge.  I had spent many years around negativity.  Negative people, negative comments directed towards me, negative inner monologue. NEGATIVE, NEGATIVE, NEGATIVE!!!!!!

Is it really any wonder that I became the sort of person who would seek positive attention? affirmations from anyone and everyone I met?

I really just couldnt deal with myself!!!!!

Then I started a journey, one that would be painful, tough at times heartbreaking, but in the long run would lead to a place that I could feel comfortable in and just be me.

I had always felt different from everyone else, some days I wondered why other people didnt feel the way I did or care about the things I cared about.  I then embraced the pagan that I had always known I was.

I began to let go of people who didnt belong in my life, I began to cut cords and change as a person.  For the first time in my life I was changing for me not to suit anyone else.


A huge turning point for me was taking my first reiki certificate,  I could sit here and try and describe that day, but it was massive in my life.  That was almost a year ago. 

Round about the same time I started my Forever business, I was NOT in the right frame of mind and as you would expect it went no where fast.  At the time I was introduced to the secret, but in good old Fidge style I had to do it my own way and refused to allow it in.

Eventually I came back to my business and allowed myself to he open to the secret, I watched the movie. 

I was shocked and suprised to find that I was not new to the philosophy.  And I began to think that pagan/spiritual people were all in the know about this. What you send out you get back! The idea of working with energy to get what you want, sounds like spell work to me!

Things began to click into place and I realised that I had been onto the secret all along I just didnt know. I started to take control of my life and stepped out of my comfort zone time and time again and the results were amazing. I had taken a huge leap on my path and I was over the moon.

Then I began to wonder in chicken or egg fashion was the secret created from pagan philosophy or was pagan philosophy created due to knowledge of the secret? Im still wondering to this day.

I also began to connect this with Maslows Hierarchy of needs with self actualisation being the very tip of the triange.  Perhaps he was in on the secret too.


In any case if your reading this I choose to share the secret with you!!! What you choose to do with it is up to you

Ciao Fidge
(Philosophical and deep)

Bubbly Dalmation Jasper.


Recently I started a crystal healing course and part of our daily tasks is to choose a crystal for the day.  One particular day I chose a piece of Dalmatian Jasper.

When it comes to buying and choosing crystals I have the kind of attitude buy/choose now and ask questions later.  Its a method that seems to work for me. And i never fail to be suprised at how spot on this method seems to be.

When I started to attune to the crystal I was suprised to find an almost puppy like personality.  The first time I’ve ever got a sense of this.  It was quite happy to have been chosen. Its also worth noting I had recieved the crystal as a birthday gift.


So now on to what Cassandra Eason says in the crystal bible.

Dalmation Jasper can reawaken a sense of fun and humour from within.  Hence the bubbly personality of the crystal.

It is also remarkably successful for calming, training and healing pets.  Also if working with dogs is your profession then this is a great crystal to work with.

Dalmation Jasper can increase telepathic communication with all animals but particularly dogs and is for those who work with canine like power animals such as wolves.  Well my spirit guide is a wolf.  At this point im beginning to think that I may have underestimated this crystal.


I have this thing with dogs, Ive had dogs come lean on me randomly out of the blue, and I havent met many dogs that I didnt get on with, but have always wondered what they wanted from me.

Other uses for dalmation jasper include helping protect from nightmares particularly monster type ones and also helping adults and children deal with an irrational fear of dogs.

There are other benefits from this crystal but I would be here all day.  Needless to say Im going to be paying more attention to the crystals I buy in the future.

Ciao Fidge
( Stunned and blown away)

The properties of Merlinite


I was quite surprised to learn from my crystal bible that Merlinite is quite rare. Especially as I came across it by chance in a local store.  So I consider myself very lucky indeed.

Merlinite is very much for those who are involved in psychic development,  and helps to assist in learning from other “worlds”.  It has been linked to wizardry and alchemy.  What I love about this crystal is that when I hold it I feel very connected the earth around me. 

This crystal can be given as an offering when doing ceremonial magic and doing rituals concerned with Earth healing.


On a physical and emotional level this beautiful crystal keeps on giving.  It can help with those things that are so deep rooted that they are difficult to let go of, and it can also help you to forgive yourself.

Merlinite also empowers us to “make our own magic”. 

On a physical level this crystal can help energise the body, and removes blockages preventing deep healing major surgical procedures in particular.

Which leads me to wonder if this would be a good crystal to use during reiki.

Other uses for this crystal include hunting for accommodation in areas that are expensive or scarce.  Also it can help working in an unpleasent environment and help turn the situation around.


A lot of this information came from the crystal bible by Cassandra Eason, a book which has been invaluable over the years.

I hope you have found this post informative and please drop a comment or pictures if you own any merlinite.

Thank you for being a part of my crystal journey and thank you for reading.

Ciao Fidge
( Feeling mystical and mysterious)

Why I drink Aloe vera gel in the morning


The idea of drinking Aloe Vera in the morning might seem like a strange one however,  the benefits I get from it make it a must in my home.

I wont lie it doesnt taste pleasant, but I guess each to their own.  My partner takes the freedom and loves the taste,  whereas I don’t. But I love the yellow and he doesn’t.

Everyone in my house drinks it even our two dogs and three cats all have some too. And they all seem to recognise that its good for them.

On a personal level I find that drinking gel helps me stay regular.  It gets rid of nasty bloating.  And has an impact on my skin and hair. I can definitely tell when I’ve not had any.


Each gel is different but all are made from stabilised Aloe Vera gelly and forever only uses the Middle part which is the most nutritious bit of the plant.

Why not Google the uses for Aloe Vera gel and how it could benefit your life.

If your interested in any of the four drinking gels you can find them here at my shop, along with many other aloe products.

Ciao Fidge
(Gel drinking weirdo)

C9 and Fit Programmes


How will you feel on 6th April 2016?

Join the hundreds of others who are spring cleaning their systems and getting set for summer

What difference would it make to you if you had more energy every single day? What could you do with it? What would you then be able to achieve for yourself?

There was a perfect time to start your healthy lifestyle and cleanse your body in the past. The 2nd best time is right now

Wake up, shake up, make up and Spring into your Summer body


I personally love the C9 programme.  And I also love the fact that customers on the programme are offered the opportunity of a support group.  People applaud your achievements and swap recipies and tips.

If your interested in any of the FIT products you can find it here at my shop, along with many other aloe products.

Ciao Fidge
(Coverting that summer body)

The softer side of the Morrigan.

Bella my familiar

You may have read the title of this post and collapsed into fits of laughter.  Im hoping that some people will agree with me.

Ive read a fair few posts on the warrior side of the Morrigan,  how it should be respected and acknowledged and upto a point I agree.  There is however a different side to this fabulous goddess and in telling my own personal side hopefully you will understand the title of this post.

About two years ago i started my own personal journey and soon discovered “The Morrigan” being a gentle soul i did wonder what a great galloping warrior goddess wanted with the likes of me.

I discovered that she works with new healers as well as that whole warrior and battle side of her.

It is said that those who walk with the Morrigan do not have it easy, me being included.  Life at times has been so very tough for me, however i am still standing so perhaps there is a little warrior in me.

So not long after The Morrigan appeared so did my familiar Bellatrix aka squiff.  She was unlike any other cat/kitten i had ever known and i knew she was connected to my goddess in someway.  Morrigan found squiffs antics rather amusing and after having a personal conversation with her about this kitten becoming stuck up a tree, the overwhelming mirth i got from my goddess was the source of much frustration.

You may be thinking im crackers at this point…..

The shennanigans continue for several months, squiff certainly ran me ragged for the first year of her life, i would look out the window to see her prancing around on the roof of the bungalows opposite and then there was the time she went missing for a month and came back very skinny and smelly. 

But it did end in tears mine! Squiff came home one day with a broken pelvis.  We were advised to monitor her at home so i did spells and used crystals and as a last resort i envolked the Morrigan.  To cut a long story short squiff survived and healed in double quick time  and is maturing into a beautiful adult cat who loves to be around magic. 

I continued my personal relationship with my goddess and we fell into what i would call a vaguely disrespectful one, her prescence in my home was usually full of what could only be described as pranks and she took a liking to my partner.


Another friend i believe to connected with my goddess

As my path has progressed the Morrigan took less of an active role in my life, shes still there and we still respect and love her.  But to us she is feisty, loving and totally believes in the school of hard knocks and tough love.

Ciao Fidge
(Cat Guardian with a few grey hairs.)

I reserve the right to publish comments made on my blog, and on this post will  accept any which dont personally attack me. So please feel free to leave a comment and share your experiences of this beautiful unique goddess. Regardless of whether you agree with me or not!